I am really upset. Really very tired. I started my day badly and it didn't end very well either. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone at all. It might not have made things so bad. I had very nearly forgotten about that part of my life already,and today just made it worse. I admit,it has always been constantly on my mind,but I really need to get that distraction out of my mind.

Today,has just been categorised in my brain as one of those "I never want to remember it ever again" days. Before,during and after I went,I had wanted to cry. But as usual,I just paste on a smile to cover it. If not,they will think stuff like you hadn't enjoyed it,someone made you unhappy,you hurt yourself,something along those lines. But will anyone ever understand that it's just ME? I can't stand myself. What the hell am I doing with my life??

Some day,I might really commit suicide. Don't be too surprised at that time. Smile for me instead. I almost got into a verbal fight with my Dad over tonight's campfire. Initially,I was to go to TKGS campfire,but he wanted me to focus on my studies,so I compromised. I went to CVS campfire instead. Even at this moment,I have to pause and wonder if I had made the right choice. What was my goal in going there anyway? To meet other schools' red cross people for the last time? To humiliate myself? To have a good time there? To make my sacrifice worthwhile? What??

In my life,there are still a lot of question marks which I would like to replace with answers. To end off,I just want to say that today has been really terrible. Not anyone's fault. I emphasise: it's just ME. Terrible me.