Nothing is ever gonna change. Get real,girl.

Oh dear. Though I was already expecting it,but argh. It's still a little hard to get over. Like bu gan xin. Haha. It was my own fault though. Who else can I blame? No one but myself. Lol. Beating myself up too much. Stop.

The piano lesson yesterday was utterly horrible. I have always known that taking the afternoon session might not be a wise choice since the teacher would be tired from teaching since morning,etc. But because of my schedule, I really have no choice. But did she have to be like that yesterday? T.T I know the two of us started out on the wrong foot from the very beginning of our "friendship". I didn't greet her,said bye to her,look at her in the eye...Whenever I felt a need to,I would simply sort of bow/nod. Too used to it,I guess. -sigh- I really feel like changing a teacher...

Hmm,I wonder if the others received the letter from MOE or not. Oh well. That's not really important. I guess I should work harder. -sigh-... -double sigh-

Hee. I just finished watching You're Beautiful. It was utterly,totally amazing. Especially the happy ending. But then again,it's a drama. lol. Happens only in fairytales. Which celebrity you know,would profess his/her love in front of his fans, during his/her concert? lmao.

I finished reading Ten out of Ten today. -screams- It's a totally wonderful book. I totally love Michael. He's just so damn cool. But then again, it's FICTION. Happens only in fairytales. lol. But it IS a great story.

So much love,so many happy endings. Hmmm.

I gotta continue on holiday homework someday -.- I am seriously decomposing at home. Anyone wanna go library to do homework with me? -hopeful,shining eyes-

Wow. My mom really did go to Orchard Road today. Dragged me along too...Didn't buy much. Just some family favourite biscuits,some food to eat and ... TADA!! The last book of the Princess Diaries: Ten out of Ten. WEEEEE~~~ I had a hard time finding that damn book. Tried Popular,but they didn't sell. Tried NLB,it was almost always on loan. Trying to buy it,but not wanting to order from overseas. Hahaha. I finally found it in Times today. Heheh! I wanted to buy it myself,but didn't bring enough money T.T had to ask my mom to buy for me. Buying books isn't really supported in my family,since they use libraries as an excuse. lol.

Then me,parents,second bro went out to eat at some hawker centre. Since it's going to be a long wait if we went home and cooked. lol. Saw some interesting people.
1) A guy wolfing down his food like a hungry ghost. Seriously. I doubt he even swallowed. Just kept gobbling down. Wow. Amazing. It went on till I left the hawker centre.
2) A little boy,son of a hawker,said "lao le jiu bu hui bian pang" He said it so matter-of-factly too. Haha. So cute.
3) A sec2 guy bringing a kindergarden guy to the hawker centre to eat. So cute. I mean both of them. lol. The older guy was like so caring to that little boy. Ahhhh~~

And I heard my aunt is getting married tomorrow!! Woohoo~!! I thought she was married already. LOL. Question mark all over my forehead. lol. I don't know who she marrying la. lol. Not going to the ceremony anyway. Only parents are going. I finally can get some rest tomorrow. Phew. Chionging shopping malls with my mom is no easy feat,I can tell you. Haha.

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY,PEI FOONG~!

May you have a wonderful day ^^

OH MY GOD! The .... thing just happened to me. I am left kinda badly shaken up. My legs are still trembling. Gosh. It was just a small thing. Something I should just brush past. Don't think about it. DO NOT think about it. It's so small. Yup. It was nothing.

Well,yesterday I went Expo,today went Chinatown. My mom say tomorrow go Orchard. -moans- Seriously. I think the shopping expenditure the 2 of us spent just yesterday and today amounts to a total of about $300. LOL. I think 1/4 of it was used to buy me a new wadrobe. The rest was food,mom's clothes,etc. So happy. Today actually bought stuff that are suitable for me to wear. YAY! -on my way to being a true teenager- Well,I still lack the most important elemtnt. Freedom. Guess that might not even happen on my 21st birthday. lol.

Today I tried on a strapless gown for the first time in my life. My god. It was utterly beautiful!! Ahhhhhhh~~ -soul flies out of my body- Gosh. I swear,I am gonna buy all kinds of strapless gowns when I have the ability to do so. Of course my mom didn't buy it for me. I wouldn't even dream of asking her to buy it. She would look at me as though I were crazy. LOL. You know the reason why. Don't ask. Haha.

On my way to getting all the books for my sec4 year. lol. First time I receive a hand-me-down textbook. Haha. It was given by my bro's tuition kid. He'a graduating afterall. Wonder if there will be drawings inside. Hmmmm... Haha. Yup. That's all I have to say~

Eeekkkkk!! So damn tired. Know what I did the entire day? I spent it by going shopping with my mom. My god. Why am I so shag while she's so nonchalent. ARGHHHH!! I must be getting old T.T Seriously. I was totally worn out after shopping for like 3 or 4 hours. Maybe it was because it's hard to find anything suitable to my Mom's tastes. Even worse. her tastes and her tastes are different (so cliché). I saw so many things that I love yet her comments were always "aiyo. so short!!" or "aiya. too unsuitable for a girl your age le la" ... What to do? She's the one paying. Not me. Now you know why I prefer going shopping on my own. Even though it totally burns a hole in my savings. Haha.

It's so hard to get out of my house nowadays...Grrr. Main reason: My dad,of course. As I expected,he's wanting me to start studying for Olvls now. Have I said that before? lol. I didn't want to tell him the reason why I wanted to go out,and so I had to weave some cowebs.. ahem. Most unfortunately,he was on leave that day, and was most willing to drive me around =.= I tried THREE tactics to get him off my tail. Guess what? None worked. URGH! In the end,I had to resort to my last last method...A strategy I really hadn't wanted to use. But one that he forced me to use. -evil aura- HAHA. Joking...lol.

Coldplay - Viva La Vida

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
Once you know there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
(Ohhh)

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People could not believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)

Hear Jerusalem bells are ringings
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can not explain
I know Saint Peter will call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh

I absolutely love this song. I think it kind of started with one of Collin's lessons. lol. The one about France's Kings. On Napoleon, King Louis XVI and King Louis XV. He printed these huge stacks of info on them from wiki. Waste of paper,I have to agree,but the information there are seriously very interesting. Well,maybe only for one like me who likes to read this kind of history stuff. lol. But anyway this song really suits these few people. A song about a king who used to enjoy a luxurious life. The impression the song gave me was that the people were ungrateful. When the king gained more territories,they supported him. But the minute when the country faces destruction/ruin,they turn their backs upon him. In the end,the king ends up a commoner/exiled. In short,it is a song about a fallen king.

It's kind of hard to imagine that these things actually happened,especially in our modern century. But once the evidence is in front of you,it is impossible to deny anymore. It is not pity/sympathy that I feel for these fallen kings,but a mixture of empathy and awe. I admire their courage and I feel sad at their downfall. Perhaps some of the kings deserved this kind of fate,but definitely not all of them.

Well,just enjoy this song :)

I just finished watching You're Beautiful Ep14. That show is seriously so damn nice!! I seriously admire Go Mi Nam's courage in rejecting the other 2 guys. Especially when the 2 of them are people she's gonna meet EVERYDAY. Jeez. Awkward-ish. This show can make you smile happily one sec,and crying in another. It's nice!! Sad though.Only 2 more episodes before this whole series ends T.T Oh well.

I finished watching Shining Inheritance quite a while back. Hmmm...it's also quite a nice show (of course. if it was otherwise,I wouldn't be watching. LOL) The happy ending also contributed to the popularity of the show.

HS Starry Starry Night.....Popcorn was...nice? lol. Weird colour,but tasted good...But somehow some of the people who ate them had tummyache today. LOL. I didn't though. O.O Hotdog....I much prefer the one selling in Ikea. A dollar cheaper too. lol. At 7pm,I left for BC. The last lesson for the year :D Meaning last lesson with Collion. WEEEEEE!! Ahem. BC meeting on 3rd Nov ^^ Having lessons in the morning,but will go over later.

Still have some Holiday Homework haven't do yet >.< The other day,I just did Section A of my Emath worksheet. Still have Section B to do,Amath worksheet and Physics homework...Sian. Oh. And 3 more book reviews. Sheesh.

Can't play maple,with my com being changed and all that. So sian. Basically rotting at home. Can't take it much longer. Save me~~~!!

Feeling pressurized all of a sudden. I know my academic results this year has been far from excellent,but I really feel as though I have tried my best. Why is it that the stress just keeps building up? Apparently,Economics is a PURE HUMANITIES subject. My god. I chose my subject combination without even knowing what I am getting myself into. Haha. I must be the world's dumbest person -.-

Recently,my dad has been telling me to start studying for Chinese and Economics...He might as well tell me to also SUN BIAN study physics,chemistry,emath,amath. How about EVERYTHING??... Jeez. I am already feeling terrible...why must he add on to my guilt? Does he think that I am not worried about my own O levels?

Tears falling down one's cheeks...trickling down,down...down. Tear glands can't seem to stop producing those salty tears. The bedroom is illuminated only by the moonlight that streamed past the curtains...Sitting on the bed in semi-darkness,one can't but help think about the past. Reflecting one's mistakes...The mind keeps playing those scenes that caused life to change. What exactly went wrong?? One watches as people grow older and mature. It's as though those lifestories are re-enacted again in the bedroom. Watching those parts of life flash by,one's spirit would break eventually...It's not exactly self-pity,but more of...sadness,grief.

Right. That was a crap compo. Seriously. I have been trying again and again to write a compo whereby you could actually envision the scenario in your mind. Sadly,I failed. I thought that if I poured out my emotions into the story,it might work. But nah. It didn't.

Whatever. Very fed-up these few days. I haven't exactly been in my best mood. Having a sore throat...Today's Dad's bdae. Right.

omg...I have calluses on my palms. T.T Haven't seen them for a long time. Since I last played monkey bar. lol. Now,that's really long. At least 4 years. Did I mention that my childhood was really lonely? lol. More often than not,I was at the playground with my dad...

It was night-time. Chinese New Year Eve. My dad,my 2 bros and I went to the deserted playground to play with fire sparkles. It was one of my happiest night. Surrounded by family love, I just wanted time to stop there. Watching each fire sparkle being lighted was like having colours in my life again. Even if it was just for a short while. Haha. I remember Da Ge throwing a lighted fire sparkle into a tree. Hahaha. I was standing there,worried that the tree would catch fire. LOL. We also played with some of the very loud rockets? I can't exactly recall what was being played. But even till now,I know that I was really happy then. Since young,I believed that I can survive without friends. After all, family is who you meeet everyday,right? Friends...is merely a nicer word for enemies. That's my definition of friends in the past. Perhaps my heart still believe it. I don't know. Pasting a smile on everyday,before going to school...just to blend in. I was never athletic,never spontaneous,never volunteered inn anything. More of those kind that just sat in a corner,in my own world. I wouldn't say it wasn't nice. But it was kind of lonely sometimes. I appreciate the silence a lot. Just listening to the surroundings is enough for me. That's why sometimes I feel bad about not talking even when it's just 2 people walking side by side. Obviously conversations are expected,but because I like silence...I just keep quiet. LOL.

How was that? Better? LOL. Kay. going out. dad's bdae lunch. lol. Bye~

A lying mask
A blackened heart
It's an herculus task
For thee to live but.

Everything is falling apart. My fantasies all wrought out and thrown into the fireplace. Watching those fairytales burning up in flames,it's heart wrenching. But what can I do,save watch? I can do naught but face the cruel,harsh reality.

Marvellous. I spent the entire day rotting at home. Thought about a lot of things,fantasized a lot of impossible things. I keep traveling back to that cross-junction of my life and thought of every other possible stories that might have continued from there. To my amazement,I finally realised something. It's over. No use thinking about it any longer. Why not just let go of the past? Isn't it easier for everyone,for myself?

Indeed. I think that I have finally gotten back to reality. This is good. Very good.

And also about my piano,I have come to terms about what I should do. For the past year,I have gotten Annie pretty pissed. Oops. Haha. I didn't practice my songs,I didn't go and memorise all those italian music words. In short,I just lost my interest in piano. So today,I tried to practice my piano...My fingertips hurt like hell. And my left hand has always been rather weak,so my right hand always has to slow down and wait for my left hand to catch up. Now you know why they say playing the piano trains your patience. Haha. And the most frustrating things,is that I just can't get my right hand to play the tune correctly!! GRRRRRRRR.

Tomorrow piano lesson at 8am. lol. Wonder if I will be able to survive it.

HOLIDAY HOMEWORK!!!!Going to do them now. Pinky swear.

Urgh. Had meeting with ely,cao and jy this afternoon. Well,it was rather productive,I must say. lol. But boy,life is not a bowl of cherries. -sigh-

Today's meeting took a lot off my mind. Starry starry night (I allocated ppl to do respective stuff),training dates, Evac camp stuff and FDC all sorted out. Phew. It's a relief. Regarding piano issue #1,I took care of it already. Piano issue no #2,still under reseach. haha. But most probably,I will stop my theory at grade 5. No use continuing on. Hmm...

Holiday homework,still haven't touch. LOL. I gotta do as I preach someday. Procrastination does me no good. haha.

I finished watching Shining Inheritance today. Jeez. Korean shows are always so emotional. Almost made me tear. But it was a nice ending,even though I felt sad that the 2 other people chasing after the main leading couple didn't have a happy ending. Oh well. Guess that's the way of life,huh...

HOLIDAY HOMEWORK!!!!

Oh nooooo. It's one of those moments when I am once again,suddenly overwhelmed by the things I need to do. Urgh. First and Utmost, this friday's Starry Starry Night. I haven't even got the names. Grrrrr. And it's this Friday too =.= today is already Monday. Even if I tell YOs tomorrow,I still think it is LATE. lol. I gotta get back my previous alertness.

Next is getting permission for holiday trainings. T.T If wenxin gives me the sec1s names for this friday's event,I am gonna call up YOs and tell them the namelist and also ask for permission. All these things keep hanging over my head like a dark cloud. It is uncomfortable.

Then FDC. There's a meeting tomorrow...Will we actually get anything done? lol. Hope we do. We really don't have much time left.

That's all for Red Cross. Next up is piano. I was actually asked by Annie to ask Sinyee if she wanted to go for this sunday's concert. lol. Both said I if I go,my friend would go with me too. LOL. But I didn't even have any intention to go....I mean,I am not one for concerts,I have to say. Mainly because my family isn't one that appreciates classical.

Then my dad also wanted me to ask around my friends about piano theory. It has been quite some time since I studied piano theory. I haven't touched those books ever since I passed my grade 5 theory. So now my dad wants me to continue theory,but Annie said I had to plan another session with her daughter,who is the one teaching grade 6 theory and above. Yea...So I currently still have to think about what to do.

Then of course,not to miss out,my HOLIDAY HOMEWORK. Sian diao. lol. I have actually quite a bit to do. Normally,I am not one to drag my homework,but because at the start of next year,we have to do a set of Diagnostic tests,so I was thinking perhaps I could wait until end of holidays before doing them? T.T Oh crap. I know it is just an excuse I give myself because I am not movitavted to do them now. Urgh. Where has the Yulin I once knew gone to?

And also...friends outing. -sigh- Wondering if I could go Ann's house this thursday. At the back of my mind,I keep thinking that there's something else to do this week. lol. But I just can't remember what is it. Hmph. 3rd November,going out with BC friends. That one is SURE GO. Haha. Besides these...no more outings are planned. I meant those including me. lol.

Hmm,what else is there? Oh ya. I am currently watching a lot of drama videos. LOL. Shining Inheritance, Momo Love, you're Beautiful. It's all because of these 3 dramas that I have been procrastinating so much. HMPH.

I hope this will be the last para. Olvls next year. Something that has been hanging at the back of my mind...just can't push it out of my head. Even my juniors have started studying for next year and here I am,lounging around like a useless couch potato. I do have a conscience,you know. -sigh- But seriously,I am not motivated at all to do anything now...

Alright,this is gonna be the LAST LAST para. Managed to finish YOG project today...Some stuff happened. Totally disgusted,I have to say. And it's not because of the terrible video we produced...

LAST LAST LAST para :D Has my english improved? Haha. Dewson mentioned that I improve his English when he chats with me. Thank you~ To my chagrin,there are always people who are better than me. Just like my beloved Jason -pouts- Damn him. English is so DAMN PRO!! Urgh. Sometimes I even have to read his messages TWICE to make sure I understood him. lol. Guess I better brush up my English!! Haha. Heard Chung Yang is at Beijing right now,undergoing training with the badminton team there. Haha. Ganbatte! Don't die. LOL. Jk. haha.

Wow. Last Friday,I was really busy. LOL. Had Chem lesson,something else,BBQ and lastly,BC. Haha. The weather was terrible. But I guess/hoped everyone had had fun :) something sweet happened to me. And so,I thank you,Sir. Even though I know you won't read it. Haha. Hope you didn't think I brushed away your comment casually. It meant something to me even if I didn't show it. Haha.

2nd time I wore FBT shorts to BC but I still made an impression? LOL. Colin kept looking at me -.- Perv. Haha. Jk. Oh. I forgot to add a Mr. HAHA. -ahem- okay. hahaha.

Oh,and not to forget,it was friday the 13th. 13/11. Ying Lun's bdae. Haha. His message was really very sweet. Thank you for letting me know that I am being appreciated. It means a lot to me. You really experience joy when you give a present to someone you care for. Truly.

Haha. Incidentally,it was also Ann's friend's birthday. Haha. Heard he was a rich guy.Whoever you are,hope that you had a happy day too. ^^

sometimes,life is not what it seems to be. complicated relationships,complex people. nothing will go as you wish.

Oh. And I just talked to Dewson. Haha. May you and your beloved girlfriend have a happy ending. Correction: you MUST! Haha. Because I only like happy endings. Sad endings make me cry,and I don't like that. Haha. All the best in the relationship between the 2 of you~!

Oh dear. Dad and Mom are back from their Genting trip T.T No more freedom. -sigh- I had fun in the last 3 days =) Though I had to wake up early everyday T.T Oh well. At least the house is back to normal. lol. An example would be the water. They left the house for 3 days,and the water has been there for 3 days,'cause very few people drink it. LOL.

Tomorrow is HRCY's BBQ :D Though I have to leave early T.T because of British Council. But it's okay ^^

And today,I made a very very careless mistake!!! Urgh. I don't even want to talk about it.

I posted Yinglun's bdae card today ^^ Hope you can receive it in time,my dear :) And don't stress yourself too much,kay?

-sigh- Everywhere I go,I see the shadow of our past. Till now,the past haunts me like my shadow. I keep wondering,thinking if I had done the RIGHT thing,even when I know it is too late to do anything to reverse my actions. But I can't help but think...what would have happened if we had continued.

Oh shucks. Maybe I am just too bored, just wanting to do something,instead of rotting away.

Feel so damn alone. For once,I feel like going back to the lonely primary school life,where I was accompanied by books. In them,the ending is out there for me to read. Some books even allowed me to choose my own ending...

I doubt you even think of me. I am right,aren't I? I know I shouldn't either....

CUT!!! Yulin is very busy. Yulin has to do a lot of things this holidays,so she doesn't have any extra time to even THINK of anything else except the matters at hand. Yulin must be focused!! Chemistry time!!!!

Just read through Yinglun's blog and I felt even more depressed. He seems to be going through a rough spot in life T.T my heart is breaking all over again.

Near to tears right now.

A flashback: all those trainings we had for FAC. All those sweat,blood and tears we spent on them. It's all over now. It's like the end of NDP again. lol. So saddening...

Even in my friend's blog,there were words that were related to you...why do you keep appearing in my life??

Weeee!!! So happy that HSRCY has gotten a 3rd in North District for FAC'09 :D Surprisingly. lol. But of course, we didn't do it all by ourselves. We had Ms Lim, Ms Vani and Yu Ping ma'am's help :D -bows- Let's clap for them. lol.

Actually I don't think we did really well for the overhead obstacle. lol. But luckily the theory paper and bandaging station was well done :P

I saw him today. My heart almost broke into two. I could only guess at the pain he went through. I am sorry. It was with me today,you know. I just didn't have the courage to give it to you. Everytime I see you in real life, baby, my heart does a double take and a back flip. Please stop doing this to me. I am imploring you. Please.