Feeling pressurized all of a sudden. I know my academic results this year has been far from excellent,but I really feel as though I have tried my best. Why is it that the stress just keeps building up? Apparently,Economics is a PURE HUMANITIES subject. My god. I chose my subject combination without even knowing what I am getting myself into. Haha. I must be the world's dumbest person -.-

Recently,my dad has been telling me to start studying for Chinese and Economics...He might as well tell me to also SUN BIAN study physics,chemistry,emath,amath. How about EVERYTHING??... Jeez. I am already feeling terrible...why must he add on to my guilt? Does he think that I am not worried about my own O levels?

Tears falling down one's cheeks...trickling down,down...down. Tear glands can't seem to stop producing those salty tears. The bedroom is illuminated only by the moonlight that streamed past the curtains...Sitting on the bed in semi-darkness,one can't but help think about the past. Reflecting one's mistakes...The mind keeps playing those scenes that caused life to change. What exactly went wrong?? One watches as people grow older and mature. It's as though those lifestories are re-enacted again in the bedroom. Watching those parts of life flash by,one's spirit would break eventually...It's not exactly self-pity,but more of...sadness,grief.

Right. That was a crap compo. Seriously. I have been trying again and again to write a compo whereby you could actually envision the scenario in your mind. Sadly,I failed. I thought that if I poured out my emotions into the story,it might work. But nah. It didn't.

Whatever. Very fed-up these few days. I haven't exactly been in my best mood. Having a sore throat...Today's Dad's bdae. Right.

omg...I have calluses on my palms. T.T Haven't seen them for a long time. Since I last played monkey bar. lol. Now,that's really long. At least 4 years. Did I mention that my childhood was really lonely? lol. More often than not,I was at the playground with my dad...

It was night-time. Chinese New Year Eve. My dad,my 2 bros and I went to the deserted playground to play with fire sparkles. It was one of my happiest night. Surrounded by family love, I just wanted time to stop there. Watching each fire sparkle being lighted was like having colours in my life again. Even if it was just for a short while. Haha. I remember Da Ge throwing a lighted fire sparkle into a tree. Hahaha. I was standing there,worried that the tree would catch fire. LOL. We also played with some of the very loud rockets? I can't exactly recall what was being played. But even till now,I know that I was really happy then. Since young,I believed that I can survive without friends. After all, family is who you meeet everyday,right? Friends...is merely a nicer word for enemies. That's my definition of friends in the past. Perhaps my heart still believe it. I don't know. Pasting a smile on everyday,before going to school...just to blend in. I was never athletic,never spontaneous,never volunteered inn anything. More of those kind that just sat in a corner,in my own world. I wouldn't say it wasn't nice. But it was kind of lonely sometimes. I appreciate the silence a lot. Just listening to the surroundings is enough for me. That's why sometimes I feel bad about not talking even when it's just 2 people walking side by side. Obviously conversations are expected,but because I like silence...I just keep quiet. LOL.

How was that? Better? LOL. Kay. going out. dad's bdae lunch. lol. Bye~