I am so worried. So afraid. No emoticon can express the feeling I have been feeling for the past few days. Weeks,even. It's as though I am back to square one. And that's one place I don't want to be at ever again!! But the difference between square one and now is that I have more friends...though most seem to be drifting away,which is really heartbreaking to me. I thought I had gotten over it,but it seems like I have not. I thought I had gotten stronger,but it appears that I never had. The emotion I am feeling is one that is really distraught...somewhere near grief...but beyond tears. It has been at least a few years since I have felt like this...I really hate myself. Well,there ARE excuses I can use to explain my feeling like CCA,exam results,ULP,piano and the realisation that I am going to work soon. They DO contribute to my emo-ness,but deep down in my heart,I know that there is another factor out there that is causing me this heartache.

I have begun to distinguish a fake smile and a genuine smile that I wear. I am wearing more fake smiles now [though there are still real smiles to my friends] and I have grown more and more critical of the people around me. Perhaps that's the reason I am back to square one. I am listening to the songs on my blog as I type this and I found that the piano piece is somewhat like my feeling. I seriously don't like the me now.

It's doesn't matter if you don't understand this post. It's just for me to describe my emo-ness...

-sigh- so long never post le. >.< sorry...so many things have happened and started. I don't even know where to start. Let's just "restart" from my comments on SA1 ba.

Gone case. My history sure fail...phy and chem maybe will fail,econs might fail too. >.< and I can't afford to fail...unless I drop my Econs. EEEKKK!!! My dad is so gonna kill me. So I am currently grabbing as much happiness as I can catch :l

Today no exam,so got 1 "off" day. haha. Went to Bukit Batok to rackey for camp's hike with elysia,qiao ni,jiaying and jiawei[the only guy]. Sweated like nobody's business. Then went pasta mania for lunch. Though I didn't eat. I found that after my body's allocated "lunch time",I won't have the appetite to eat at other times. So yea...after that went to Toa Payoh to look for my dad,sun bian go library :P

So ends my off day. Sad. Came back home,slack slack,then ate my mom's ...errr...pumpkin rice? At least I think it is....don't ask. Then do some red cross stuff...sleeping soon. Very tired >.< Right. This ends my post :]