I am so worried. So afraid. No emoticon can express the feeling I have been feeling for the past few days. Weeks,even. It's as though I am back to square one. And that's one place I don't want to be at ever again!! But the difference between square one and now is that I have more friends...though most seem to be drifting away,which is really heartbreaking to me. I thought I had gotten over it,but it seems like I have not. I thought I had gotten stronger,but it appears that I never had. The emotion I am feeling is one that is really distraught...somewhere near grief...but beyond tears. It has been at least a few years since I have felt like this...I really hate myself. Well,there ARE excuses I can use to explain my feeling like CCA,exam results,ULP,piano and the realisation that I am going to work soon. They DO contribute to my emo-ness,but deep down in my heart,I know that there is another factor out there that is causing me this heartache.

I have begun to distinguish a fake smile and a genuine smile that I wear. I am wearing more fake smiles now [though there are still real smiles to my friends] and I have grown more and more critical of the people around me. Perhaps that's the reason I am back to square one. I am listening to the songs on my blog as I type this and I found that the piano piece is somewhat like my feeling. I seriously don't like the me now.

It's doesn't matter if you don't understand this post. It's just for me to describe my emo-ness...