What a demoralising week. It was most definitely an unhappy week. I have no idea how did the 2 world's most .... people survive till now. I can't believe that they are still so ... innocent. Full of...impossible fantasies. I mean, it's is alright to have such dreams,but is it really neccessary to tell the world? I feel kind of bad seeing all the others trying their best to fulfill the unattainable dreams. Maybe it's because I can't see their point of view or perhaps I just refuse to share their view. I am not quite sure of it myself. I still remember one of my most embarrassing moment was while trying to reach their dreams. Not that I really had a choice then. If I could,I would have definitely done things a different way. One that is less dramatic,more realistic.

Is it because of my upbringing and family background that made me have this kind of sardonic view of society? Correction: Since when did I have such sardonic view of society. I am used to interpreting,inferring people's words. And I know that people often phrase their sentences such that there's a double meaning. Now,I wonder if those people were laughing at me when I took the more optimistic meaning behind those words.

The world is such a scary place. Or maybe I am the scary one.

When I look at pictures,people's smiles,I feel like...they are so ... fake. Even I feel that my laughs are so...FAKE(couldn't think of any other word that's as straightforward). Smiling,laughing with others just to be accepted in society. I have tried. Believe me. I did. When I was younger,more naive,I thought people can accept me for who I really am. I hardly ever smiled. Never talked to anyone in school. In the end, others thought of me as hardworking (a nice way of putting it) and antisocial (more blunt). It has been so many years since then and I have tried everything to fit in after that period of time. But it just won't work. It never will.

I got into a little trouble recently. Because I inferred someone's words which I felt had another real,underlying meaning. At that time,I was pretty tired and didn't think of packaging my words to phrase better,so I just said it pretty bluntly. Guess I hurt her feelings. She was pretty upset. I am really distancing myself from others now. Not only for myself, but also for the benefit of the people around me. This is not goooood. I am seriously thinking I am having depression. lol. Am I?

Never assume that you know me very well. That is an illusion. For I have a dark side which no one has ever seen. That is the one and only thing you can believe in, from me.