Haven't blogged for awhile...life still goes on despite all that has happened. If someone were to ask me whether I am happy right now, my answer would be a "No". I don't really know the reason. There is just a very down, blue kind of mood that I am in now. I have only just realised how few friends I have left...people whom I thought I were friends with have abandoned me for a long while and it is a sucky feeling.

I would say that I am pretty good at making new friends, but I am really bad at maintaining those friendships over time. Damn. I still can't get over the fact that one of my friends whom I considered to be rather close with, doesn't want to maintain contact with me. You ask, how do I know? Well, for a start, it has always been me who initiates a conversation with me. Hardly, almost never has he started one. When we first hung out together, he would still remember my birthday. But after the second or third year, he seems to have forgotten it already. This year would be our 8th year of friendship. And every year, I still wish him happy birthday like an idiot. It is really sad. I need to let go, but I can't seem to do it.

What is it about me that makes me so invisible to people? I don't want to be in the centre of attention. But neither do I want to be a wallflower...

I have this foolish dream...to work on a cattle ranch. A quiet place with fresh air and beautiful scenery. A place where I can just be who I want to be. Will I ever have this chance? Even if it is for a very short period of time, I would like to fulfil this dream.

For now, I need to work harder. A lot harder, based on my academic results.