Angst. Sad. I haven't felt like such a worthless piece of shit for awhile. The way I feel that I am treated in this family is like I am just a waste of space....never good enough to be able to solve my own problems, plan my own route, do my own things. No, everything has to be approved by His Highness. He says he is letting me go bit by bit, everything he says are just advice; I don't have to follow them. Bullshit. The moment I dont, I get nagged till my ears drop off and I finally give in and do whatever he says. It's quite stupid why I don't just get some balls and stand up to him right?

I know...it's just this stupid stupid notation I have that stops me from doing what I want: living and becoming to be a person worthy of His Highness' attention, aka be as good as my eldest bro. The fact that this brother always speaks to me as though I am an idiot doesn't help my self-confidence either. Much less the fact that I have idolised him forever. He is just so much more successful than I am, in all aspects of life. What am I? What can I do to match up?

Is there even anything I can do??

One day, when His Highness pushes me too far, this is what I am going to :

Me: "JUST STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. I HAVE A BRAIN. EVEN IF I GET CHEATED OR WHATEVER, IT IS BETTER TO LEARN THE LESSON NOW THAN NEVER, RIGHT!"
Then throw some stuff into my bag and take my house keys, go to His Highness, drop the keys onto the floor.
Me: "I've had enough. And I am never coming back to this house again. Forget about me fulfilling my filial duty."
-turns around and just leave all of this frigging shit behind-

Can I ever do that? I think I can, right now, actually. But I still need to earn a bit more though. His Highness, that leaving house for good thing that I've always joked about? Well, it was never a joke. It's an idea I have toyed with for at least a decade. Just waiting to act.