Hello~ It's been a really long time since I last blogged. I started writing in my diary more often when the workload started to pile up. It's easier to write my thoughts down when my paper and pen are just beside me. Haha. Honestly,I had considered this blog closed down for good since I had lost my drive to post online. Beisdes,I've locked up this website so no one can read it anymore. That's part of the reason why I blogged less. I mean, what's the point of writing it online when I'm not sharing it with others? lol.

But it is precisely because of this reason that I've decided to blog today. Ironic,isn't it? Haha. I had considered writing down my thoughts on Facebook,but I didn't want those "not-friends" friends reading whatever I am feeling. Then, I wanted to write in MSN as part of my pm, but I thought it's just like broadcasting to the world that I am feeling depressed. Kind of like walking around on the street with a "I AM DEPRESSED. PLEASE COMFORT ME" sign. Dots,right? lol.

Anyway,just to fill up the gap between the last post and now: I managed to get into the Honour Roll for the entire year 2011 and succeeded in getting into the workshadowing programme. Found a crush at the workplace but forgot about him promptly 2weeks later :x But the latest news is that I flunked my History and Math really bad for MSA, so bad that Mrs Tan called up Dad. Urgh. And Mr Eng came to talk to me twice. I really hate hate hate! talking to my math teacher. I always walk away feeling like the worst criminal in the world. He just CRUSHES your self-confidence with those few sentences. I guess he doesn't mean to,since he is just trying to pressure me into putting in more effort for math. But still, his method is just SO NOT WORKING. -pissed-

The first time he came to talk to me about MSA, was to ask me what was wrong. This "what what is wrong" talk is the most dreaded among all the girl students. Why? Because it is just so awkward talking to him,much less about your personal life! Good God. It is much more comfortable talking to a stuffed toy -.- Seriously. He can never be a counsellor. Then I just gave him some crap about needing to manage my time better,blah blah. Guess I was not very convincing. lol. Truthfully,I don't know what made my results so bad this time. I guess part of it is because the seriousness of the issue if amplified when the overall score is only 25, so each mark is worth 4 points. That's almost a grade! But then again,my Summation has always been very bad. T.T

The second time was on last friday. It made me so depressed that I cried for 2 consecutive days. I don't like remembering such terrible stuff,so all I can say is that I left with a very strong sense of having disappointed my teacher,who said that EXPLICITLY. The one thing I hate most in the world is disappointing someone whom I want to impress. What was most heartbreaking that A TEACHER actually told me I suck (in a way). The only 2 other times I had some an experience was when I was in kindergarten over a paste on tattoo (I avoided the teacher AMAP after that) and primary 3 over failing to do long division after mutiple tries (when the teacher almost slapped me). Now you see why I am so afraid of teachers? Sigh.

I guess all I can do now is try to do more for math and history...SIGH. Econs is pretty bad too. Everything is terrible.

What is so sad is that I can't tell this to anyone or cry on someone's shoulder. Who would listen to me? It's not like I have that many close friends and I don't want to trouble them anyway. Though it'd be nice if they could sense my great depression. Oh well. I will survive this somehow...I guess.

Siannnnn. Next tues,I have a presentation for workshadowing and I haven't prepared my script yet -.- Whatever. I just hope I don't have jelly legs on that day. It took so many months of practice to get over it just for PW. I am not sure I can do it again without any practice this time T.T

All the same,JIAYOU, YULIN! Don't give up halfway :)